Wednesday, 19 January 2011

He was sitting slightly apart from them

'MAN BOUGHT HEROIN TO HELP HIM SLEEP' the headline read and they were all commenting upon it. He was sitting slightly apart from them. He didn't feel like commenting upon it. It seemed to him like the sort of preposterous thing he might even do.
'Is he wanting a beer?' one of them was heard to ponder.
'Naw, he's got one.'
So they were referring to him in the third person now. An interesting development for sure. A curious development. But apt; he felt very distant and detached from them, from himself. He gazed in an unfocused way at the rows of gleaming bottles behind the bar.
He felt aggrieved. One of his best pals was now involved with a lassie he had been seeing. A complaint should be registered somehow, some sort of arbitration needed to occur.
Sometimes he tried to joke and it didn't come out right and people wondered what it was if it was a joke or if it was serious and he himself wondered as well as if there could be some heretofore unconsidered truth manifest beneath the jocular fa├žade.
His distance from the others was causing discomfort for all concerned. He tried desperately to think of something to say. He couldn't meet anyone's eye and his limbs tingled. It was as if his skeleton sought to quit his body.
This was bad. He didn't want to be here amidst these people. With their schemes, gestures, symbols. Everything was inscrutably codified.
He had bought his own beer on account of the fact that nae cunt had seen fit to furnish him with one. So ye bought yer ain fucking beer.
These cunts referring to him in the third person man he should just get fucking out of here right now.
Although it was partly his fault he supposed. He was a morose cunt if the truth be known, if you wanted to know the truth then this was it. This was the regrettable fact of the matter.
He couldn't accept the collective weight of everyone's gaze which gathered more force the longer he avoided it.
Maybe he should just scoop his beer and discreetly quit the premises. He wondered what he would do.

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