Thursday, 14 August 2008

Jock lay in bed, doodling on his testicles with a biro. He had pulled the skin taut in order to facilitate this inane task. All of a sudden, his sister entered the room and demanded to know what he was doing.
"Surely it is plain to see," he told her in a shrill voice. Maddened tears began to stream down his cheeks and bared his teeth in a hysterical grin.
"I love you, Jock," his sister told him and began weeping also.
It was at that moment that armed police crashed in through the window and confiscated the offending biro pen!

Jock's first instinct was to protest but his sister silenced him with a stern stare. Then she hissed - sssssss - like a snake. The sound was so overloaded with eroticism that one of the officers dropped his assault rifle and began groping his crotch and grinding his hips. An obscene spectacle if ever I saw one.
"You utter jobby!" shrieked Jock's sister, indignant now. The offending officer turned bright red and then committed suicide. A wave of cheers and applause.
"I'll help you bury him," Jock offered to the other officers. His [Jock's] testicles were still exposed, perhaps inappropriately. At that moment the telephone rang. Jock's sister rushed off to answer it then reappeared a minute later. She asked if she could be excused; her pimp had been on the phone with a lucrative contract for her. Jock told her it was fine and chuckled sheepishly to the officers, saying "pretty crazy line of work for someone her age to be in, eh?" He seemed embarrassed.
The officers seemed beguiled and titillated. Jock said: "wait here, I need to check something outside." Then Jock vacated the house and locked the door, trapping the police inside, and set fire to the building. Only one of the officers survived the fire. And he was scarred beyond recognition.


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