Jonathan once took a shit on the floor of the toilet in the tiny infant school he attended. It was a horrible accident. Jonathan was hesitant about touching the foreign toilet seat with his precious flesh (a neurosis he quickly grew out of, luckily). So he chose to hover above the toilet, holding the toilet seat with his hands for support. Somehow, he did not manage to position himself accurately over the toilet, with the result that he took a shit onto the floor in front of it. To this day, he has no idea how such a blunder was possible. At the time, he was filled with a sense of groaning horror when he turned round and realised the landing area of his turd.
I’m surprised he didn’t endeavour to scoop it up and flush it. But given that he was so pernickety about not allowing his ass to touch the toilet seat, I suppose it’s understandable that he was overcome with repulsion and fled from the scene.
Inevitably, there were repercussions but luckily he managed to retain his anonymity as the culprit. An assembly was held where the head teacher gravely informed them of the depraved act that occurred. Her sympathies lay with the humble cleaning lady who had had to deal with this obscene mess.
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